where did the $$ go?

Feel like i've grown up, first time buying something so expensive without parents' permission and all were from my own pocket. I earned it from relief teaching. All the $$ went into it.. My new All-in-1 printer and my new MACbook.. Shiok! Was wo-ahing and wowing when the printer was printing some worksheets for my tuition kid. Now i have to wait for the MACbook to complete charging and i'll be all set to explore it. Cant wait to set my hands on it.. It is so.. white and beautiful..

And due to the big hole in the account, i gonna scrimp and save again for the next.. dunno how long lar.. just gonna be a bit more careful with my money from tomorrow onwards.. Haiz.. wonder when i am going on a holiday or wad.. still need some sort of relaxation though..

dunno where am i

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dqmSdivQVw

nEw hope

life isn't always smooth and steady.. but somehow i found a new direction of life.. to love and pamper myself much much more.. and also getting to know more friends.. Not just friends, but good relationships. =D

Now that i'm a bit treated like dirt, i should have woke up earlier.. although i was once helpless and still feel alone sometimes.. at least now its not most of the time le..

New plans new directions..

- Might now want to start new work so soon.. Want to tour first.
- Weight loss session starts.
- Enjoy myself while I can before Uni life comes in.

...:SAGITTARIUS:. The Sexy one *

Spontaneous. Horny. Freak in Bed. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships.
The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet.
Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet!
Amazing in Bed..!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? Not the kind of person you wanna with you might end up crying.

Make me sound so amazing.. But then of course, i was the one who ended up crying.

1.42am

So late.. teary and lonely.. thinking of u..
thought i have moved on.. still happily tell people that i'm perfectly ok..
But it just comes.. How come time cant go back to 10/11?
That first impression, that flow of love and passion?
Arghh..

Well then

If i'm not ok, doesn't mean you'll take me back or change anything. Shldn't talk to you at all since i'm still so unsettled.. People say i look sad when i thought the cover-up was good. Finally realise the true meaning of the song 'Ting bu dao'.. still miss u..

gathering happiness from other aspects.. working well till now but how long does it last?

...

remember blogging that i dun wan to blog anymore.. but sadly no one is there to take my woes. I feel so lonely now.. hoping no one will see this anyway..

I've been good.. i know i have.. i put in all my love, care and concern and that nothing else is more important, i am loyal, nothing could have gone wrong.. now i start to think whether i kanna rebound again.. but why is this happening to me? i feel so innocent.. there's a lot left untouched, left undone, left stranded..

u know i'll be upset.. so why must u do this to me? just screamed at my sis.. i'm losing myself as well, my life is screwed, messed, think nothing worse can happen.. no one care.. rejected and dejected..

everything u said have becomes your lies.. can we just forget abt everything and start again? will u take me back? i cant take it.. pretending that i'm alright when i see people although i'm not.. i'm strong, remember.. got to take up the burden of the only son and stuff.. but i'm really weak.. deep inside, i'm nothing.. i'm really not strong enough to fight this..

think i lost interest in everything else.. can just sit and rot and die.. cant sleep.. time comes i need to call.. really hate myself for being so alike to jac..

i hate myself.. why din i learn how to say what i feel.. why do i always keep quiet and let things happen?

i miss u.. i really do.. dun think u'll feel the same.. haiz.. my happiness is short-lived and my misery has just started.. i cant take it, can u take me back? although i sound cheap.. but just let me continuing loving u pls.. arrgghh..

found that i got stuck at a corner, end of me..

End of blog

Hurt too deep, never gonna heal..

No more blogging for me.. nothing is ever real and ever lasting..

i'm a loner.. leave me alone..

Pretence..

I remember one line from the movie 向左走向右走 that was said like this, " I am just like a person without the shadow on the ground, so lonely."

Never felt that close to that before. Devastated.

Time will tell.

Stranded

I feel terrible.. Came so far, fell so deep.. worthless/priceless.. i sux

i think so too..

sometimes things are better explained without saying anything. i get it, i seriously do and is quite guilty about it towards someone else. call this retribution or what have you, thats nothing much i can do anyway.

think: things work when u need 2 hands to clap, what happen when 1 hand is willing while the other hand dun even know where it is? kill me..

i dunno.. a taste of what is torture, cant find a better person than me.. finally found a reason why kino is earning my money.. sigh..

Come clean?

Like what 'Desperate Housewives' mean, its time to clean the dirty laundry - to get some things done. Shoo~~ comes a New Year and then Shoo~~ goes the V-day and then Shoo~~ comes the Chinese New Year.. Time is passing so quickly that I hardly had a chance to catch some memories into this hollow space.

I love my dear dear, who has been complaining why i does not mention anything.. Well, we are fine.. fine to the point where someone has gotten a bit too used to me not being around, feeling rather insecure at times.. But i din noe this was vice versa that I kept saying that I don't mind that someone snatch my dear dear away.. But seriously, i care okie.. Just that my way of facing it is to fake a front that i dun care.. but its just the works of jealousy, and i really dun like the mentioning of people you know.. its not something i can help with.. especially when i dun learn thai.. and i'm not schooling yet..

How long can i move on like this?

Mum: I heard that in any church, they would take 10% of what you earn every month.
Me: Ya, but you can choose to give or not to give. No one is forced.
Mum: So did you?
Me (Walking away): No.
Mum (Voice becoming distant): Told you not to believe so much already, and you still go every week, so ON for what?

I lied. So, how long can i move on like this?
I seriously wonder.

The change starts here..

Since the beginning of this year.. i sensed the difference in me.. i tend to get a bit less responsible and a bit more reliant on some things.. Still the main thing is that i grew, mentally.. accepting the harsh facts and cruel reality.. Things are no longer like fairy tales.. That's y i am so envious of my students for being so young with unlimited possibilities and endless wonders not yet explored.. Old.. thats how i feel haa.. oh well.. getting old, wise up a bit, get used to life or try getting used to life.. giving up on some things.. blah.. i talk crap..

the change has began, i know..

Lack.. Gain..

I lack of sleep.. seriously.. and my biological clock rings when its 7.30am.. meaning that i only sleep roughly 4-5 hr a day.. not enough~ Thinking of stopping tuition for the K2 student i'm teaching, to cut myself some slack from so much work.. Also thinking of not teaching music, kinda dumb since i don't really know music..

Yeah.. although i don't know how to take care of myself, i'm not getting sick or anything just tired.. Or maybe i don't have enough rest and food, especially dinner.. dotx.. Really surprised and overjoyed to have a nice supper after a HARD day's work.. Gan dong..~~~ Bleahx..

Good morning Mr Ng~

Had a powerpacked day ytd and its only the first day! kinda shocking because i only knew what to teach and a lot of other stuff on the day i report.. the class is huge~ 58 students arent easy to handle especially when they lose concentration easily.. There are some that distract the others.. Some interesting conversations i had with them...

Pupil 1 : Mr Ng, he say that i purposely throw his pencil box on the floor!
Pupil 2: No i didnt [ about to cry]
Pupil 1: That who says he saide that i purposely throw one..
Pupil 2: No Mr Ng [ Tears coming out..]
Me: Whether right or wrong, both of you are in the same class and should make friends with one another.. So both of you, i want you to shake hands and say sorry. Do not point fingers at one another. [ I thought i sound stupid]

Pupil 3: Teacher i brought money, can i buy my book later during recess? [ kids are still kids]

And after this tiring day in school, i had to teach tuition at 8pm.. A bright but playful boy who is very active.. He kept running in and out of his room and talking a lot of funny senseless stuff with me.. Dunno how much i can help him but i find it enjoyable teaching him.

Me.. A teacher? I'll see about that..

Year 2007

A new year began without a sign
All i can do is look back and sigh..

What have i done for the past year
Mistakes shall not repeat in this year..

Change myself to be a better one
Happiness is all i want..

Short term goals
1. New set of Ear-phone
2. A Good Laptop
3. If possible, new furnitures and oven.
4. New year shopping in Malaysia

Long term goals
1. Lose weight till 60kg, staying healthy
2. Go back to baking and brush up my skills.
3. Change my wardrobe.
4. Finish paying my tithes and building funds on time.
5. Be a more loving person and meet up more with my friends and relatives.

Hope i can be happier~

Good morning Class

Guess that will be what i'll be saying for the next 3 months, at least.. Needless to say, its my new job at Woodgrove Primary as a teacher. Sounds weird when people address me as Mr Ng though, gives me sort of a formal feel. I finally grew up.. Yeah.. few years ago i was sitting in the seat in class, learning and absorbing what the teacher has to offer.. or maybe even cursing and gossiping about the teacher. But now i'm one of them now.. Truly its a funny feeling..

Really want to thank God for giving me this job as a very nice NEW YEAR present.. hee.. Some time ago, i was actually angry with God for being nasty to me that He gives me things and then take them away.. first it was the TCC job + my fone lost on malacca trip and later a teaching job in Dunearn.. But now it all work out fine that made me believe that all things work for good for people who love God.. I got a job right on and starting work the very tomoro 04/01/07!!

bored

i'm bored real bored..

Fortunately i have friends.. to spend time with.. hee.. going Lot 1 now.. kinda feel that i forced someone there.. hope that its not that demanding or wad.. although i tink a bit.. =]

Eat to heart's content

Red bean and cream corn ice dessert w Durian topping

Mushroom swiss double
onion rings
french fries
chicken tender
coke light

hong kong char siew bo lo pao
pork chop and brinjal rice w shanghai sauce
mince meat cheese baked rice
peanut butter french toast
hong kong milk tea w grass jelly

yum yum..